First Day Back at The Vet Clinic

Sunday night, the night before I would return to my part time job, I asked Robb to set his alarm for 8am the next morning. This would give me plenty of time to get ready and make it to work by 10am. I was wired. Couldn't fall asleep. Ambien had no effect and as long as the night felt, the alarm, like a fire alarm beeping, still came too soon, and all of a sudden, I was exhausted. 

Morning kisses are the best, but I still brushed them away. My chest heaved heavy with anxiety and could barely spare a breath. I tried reminding myself how much I loved working as a vet tech at Capitol Area Animal Medical Center. How much I cared about the people I worked with during all those long hours. These thoughts made no impact on the crater in my chest. I was paralyzed. I was more aware of how to function when I was surrounded by smoke than when I was surrounded by Robb's arms and blankets. I could feel Peter snuggling my foot.

Robb got up and made me coffee. The anger was returning. He told me he loved me but all I thought of was how my blood felt so thick. I tested my blood sugar. 212. I haven't had a morning blood sugar that high for a long time. Why me? Insulin.

I was waking up again. Robb was kissing my cheek. I wanted to be left alone. I felt so out of control but it was time for a shower. 

The ride to work was stressful for both of us. Robb drove the Jeep lent to us by the Vowlers and I sat staring out the zip down window. It was really pretty outside and smelled like earth and highway. He kept reaching over and to hold my hand. I let him but felt awful about not even looking at him. "I love you Julia."

Of course arriving at work was not painful at all. It was all the time leading up to it. If one could really love their work place, then that person is me. Every single person in that Veterinary Clinic works as hard as the next. Each person gets the job done. Each person earns every single penny they make every day. I would not cry today. Not once.

I made it to the kitchen and a basket with a note addressed to Robb and I sat on the table. Tears. Damnit. The girls had written notes to Robb and I inside the card and personalities spilled from the interior as a variety of handwriting and punctuation offered love and support. Snot dripped onto my lips. I would be lying if I said I didn't lick it away.

They had given us a gift generous certificate and plenty of toys for the dogs and cats. I had not yet replaced a single one of those things. So sweet. I blew my nose into a Wendy's napkin and spilled coffee on my shoe. 

The day went as such. Sharing stories of my past week. My co-workers and the doctor's sharing their stories from the week I missed at work. This is how it was before as well and there was no weight on my chest. I thought of Robb. How he must be feeling... thinking about how I had acted this morning. 

Robb had a full day planned. He has been attending Harrisburg Area Community College and worked the opposite of tirelessly for his 3.9GPA. He is studying to become a radiology technician. A choice he made after working 10 years in the motorcycle industry and an education in Fine Art. No simple feet at the age of 42. He works just as hard, if not harder than I do to make our lives better.

HACC, for whatever malfunction, never received his payment for his fall session. They dropped him around the time the fire happened. He has no computer, or receipt to prove that he registered and paid online. They did not take his money from his account, so something had gone wrong, and he is still waiting to hear from his advisor about what to do. He is sleeping right next to me and drooling a bit on the pillow. He snores like a congested short nosed lion. 

It was a long day. It took me about an hour to decompress. I had not realized that emotionally vomiting all over people was so exhausting. And that is what my co-workers let me do all day. I also realized that assisting a euthanasia on someone's beloved pet digs deeper when you were so close to loosing your own beloved creatures. It was one of those unexpected lessons you learn. Like the time I learned that skinny dipping or streaking takes on a whole new context when you are the only one doing it.

Thank you all, once again for checking in with us. Today was a bad start for me and even a rough ending. It was the uplifting efforts of old friends that helped me to sit down and write this entry today.

xoxoxoxo

Vinnie's Face When We Pulled Out The Pet Gifts From Work

. Peter and Piper Going Crazy Town on Their New Toys

We are so very lucky to have so many people hugging and supporting us from all over the country. I would not have expected even a fraction of this response from people. What is even more interesting and, in my opinion incredibly creative, is an old college friend wants to donate the proceeds she makes from selling Silpada jewelry. Check it out even if it is just to get a look at some pretty cool stuff!

www.mysilpada.com/alisa.theurer

Please share these resources with friends and family. It is simply by getting the word out that we can educate each other on the options that lay before us when we are truly in need!! 

Please feel free to follow our fund raising efforts at GoFundMe.com

You all deserve to know who you are supporting and how your love and efforts have helped us be Born from Ash.

If you would like to see who I am as an artist please visit Julia Conroy Photography, Inc.