Born from Ash: The Night Before My First Day Back

Since the fire, we have been wondering zombies, although we had no need to feed. Robb was in shock for about three days after the fire. He barely spoke, and when he did it was not very coherent. I once caught him eating food and letting it just fell out of his mouth as though his face was paralyzed. This was his coping mechanism.
Mine was anger. I was angry at Robb for not being present. I wanted him to be there, I mean there, right next to me. But instead he just looked right through me. I cried. I knew how alone we both were feeling and could do nothing to make the other feel better. I was afraid he was too traumatized and would not come back. I was afraid to go through this without him.
We still had to meet with the insurance adjusters, cancel our bills, put shoes on our feet and underwear on our hides. Was Robb going to be "gone" for all of this? The pain I felt for him was as real as the razor blades that slid up my back when I opened the bedroom door. Tears. More tears.
A few days after the fire, we met with a psychiatrist regarding acute post traumatic stress. Robb was more aware that day. Holding conversations and remembering things. Things I didn't even know had happened. When he looked into my eyes, for the first time in days I saw him behind the blue. My favorite color blue in the whole world.
The following couple of days consisted logistic like obtaining my License. Robb had the strength to do it the monday after the fire... even though he has no recollection of going to the DMV. We also had to meet with the banks to check our accounts, order new checks, and organize our savings. Thank goodness for a savings.
We needed shoes and underwear. Thankfully, the Red Cross arrived at my parents home the very next day. They picked us up to take us down the street to our hurt home where they determined what type of help they can offer us. Robb was wearing my Dad's Shirt, pants, and shoes. My Dad is 6'3" and Robb is 5'8". I wore my cousins shorts, shirt, and shoes. My cousin is a boy. I wore my hair in a tight bun.
Robb and I used some of the money to get shoes and food. The money also covered my insulin and hypothyroid meds. Fantastic! The Red Cross was absolutely amazing!
My Good friend Kyle's family lent Robb and I their Jeep for as long as we needed (even though we would love to keep it longer... it is super fun!!). This was one of those generous offers that still makes Robb and I very tingly and smile. How kind they were to do so!!
It was surprising how much of a glaze was put over everything. Interacting with people seemed weird and alien. I had a break down in Khols because I realized how many clothes, shoes, and collections of jewelry I had lost. I felt like there was a whole apple just sitting in my belly. I know it was just stuff, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't attached to my jewelry.
Overall, the week went smoothly. When I say smoothly I disregard the times I have told my aunts to "leave me alone", screamed "I don't know what to tell you to do!", or just plain stomped my foot and ran into a spare bedroom. We were visited by our good friends Kyle Vowler, Liz an Daniel Kerr, Liz Holtzman, Mary and Lind Jameson, and of course our crazy wild aunts, uncles and cousins. Robb, seemed to be getting better every day though. This gave me hope and confidence.
Today was my rough day. I did not want to get out of bed. I could not think of why I should.
Honestly speaking I am nervous for my first day back at work tomorrow. I hope I don't cry all over myself.
Robb will be with my sweet brother Sean, aiming to get things under control. HACC dropped him from hi classes because they say they never received the money. The receipt burned in the fire along with his phone and computer. He had a 3.9 GPA last semester and through summer classes. What a set back. My sweet man. I know he will make the best of it!
Okay. so week one is officially over. Thanks for checking in. I am going to include some photos from the dogs walk today. I am testing my Nikon D200 out after it received heavy smoke damage. It is my work horse!